


When It Was Good

by sratsome_jack



Series: Kaidan and Ana [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2020-08-14 04:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20186326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sratsome_jack/pseuds/sratsome_jack
Summary: With Sovereign defeated, Ana Shepard and Kaidan Alenko are left with the lingering question of what will become of their relationship. These are the moments they shared between the battle for the Citadel and the Normandy's fall.





	1. The Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Some songfic (mainly the first chapter). Most chapters have a song that goes with them (since music helps me write) which I'll add at the beginning of each chapter.

**Normandy Mess Hall- After Sovereign’s defeat **

**Songs: Avicii - Lay Me Down, The Nights**

Everyone on the Normandy was in desperate need of a break. The reapers were still a threat, and Shepard knew time was of the essence, but she also knew taking one night off wouldn’t hurt. Everyone was gathering in the Mess Hall to celebrate the fact that they had just saved the Citadel and quite possibly all organic life. Not to mention, Shepard needed a drink, or four.

As she entered the bar, she noticed the squad standing by the bar. Kaidan waved her over.

“Shot, Commander?” he called.

Shepard smiled. “You know my weakness. What are we drinking?”

“Just take it,” he said, handing her the full shot glass, “I promise you’ll like it.”

Shepard took the shot, tapping it against the bar and clinking it with all the others’ glasses. Tequila, her favourite.

“A little soon for this don’t you think? This doesn’t usually seem like a good idea until we’re at least a few drinks in” Shepard commented.

Kaidan shrugged, “after all we’ve been through, I think we deserve it.”

“You humans have strange tastes,” Garrus commented, grimacing.

“The goal is to get as drunk as you can, as fast as possible,” Kaidan informed him, “it’s only the odd few like the Commander who actually like the taste.”

“It grows on you,” Shepard retorted.

She glanced around the bar, noticing the crowd of officers that seemed to starting an impromptu dance floor. As their Commander, she had never really let loose around the squad before but after another drink or two, she figured she could be excused for getting a little bit wild.

“What’s everyone drinking?” she asked the squad, “next couple rounds are on me.”

After buying everyone a couple more rounds, her inhibitions were dropping. She headed toward the dance floor and motioned for the others to come along. Garrus and Kaidan exchanged confused looks as they watched her head over and start dancing. This was a side of Shepard that neither of them had seen before. After noticing them just standing there, Shepard came back down.

“Do I have to drag you dorks up here or are you gonna come up and join me yourself?”

Kaidan paused, “is that an order ma’am?”

Shepard rolled her eyes, “first of all, you can stop with this ‘Commander’ and ‘ma’am’ shit Kaidan, I think we’re past that.”

He nodded.

“Second, if making it an order is what it takes then yeah, it’s an order.”

Kaidan shrugged. “Well I guess if you insist. Let me just…”

Before he could finish, Shepard had pulled him up onto the dance floor with her. Her moves were rough, to put it nicely, but there was a certain charm she had about her when she was able to let go like this. As the alcohol hit her, she became more enthusiastic. Kaidan couldn’t help but keep his eyes her as she spun around.As the song went on, the two of them drifted closer together.

_Lay me down in darkness_

_ Tell me what you see_

_ Love is where the heart is _

_Show me I’m the one, tell me I’m the one that you need _

Kaidan felt Shepard’s body brush up against his. He was hesitant to let her get too close. Even though they had already had sex and clearly broken the regs, getting this close so publicly was quite the risk.

“Shepard, are you sure we should be doing this,” Kaidan asked, leaning in so that no one else would hear.

“Kaidan, do you really think anyone’s going to remember what happens tonight?” Shepard responded, “Hell, even if they do, they’ll probably have threatened the chain of command somehow or another. I could probably find at least five officers who are fraternizing right now.”

Kaidan smiled, “you’re not wrong.”

As if on queue, Shepard heard her name being called. She turned around to see Joker and the rest of her squad standing by the bar, signalling for her and Kaidan to come over. When she got there, she found yet another round of shots sitting on the bar.

“How fucked up are you all trying to get me?” Shepard asked.

“Rumor has it that drunk Shepard is a sight to behold,” Joker said.

“But first, a toast,” Garrus said, raising his shot glass “to getting rid of Saren.”

“To killing a reaper,” Kaidan chimed in.

“To the friends we made along the way,” Liara added.

“And to every one of you,” Shepard closed, “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

_One day you’ll leave this world behind _

_So live a life you will remember _

_My father told me when I was just a child _

_These are the nights that never die_


	2. The Hangover/What About Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the rager, Shepard and Kaidan contemplate their future while dealing with nasty hangovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: What About Us - Pink

Shepard woke up with a splitting headache. It was one of those pains that prevented her from sitting up. She rolled over to see Kaidan lying next to her, passed out. Smiling at him, she reached over to her nightstand and grabbed the glass of water she had left next to her bedside prior to the festivities. After many a terrible hangover she had learned to always have water within reach of the bed. 

As she gulped the water down, Kaidan began to wake up. His head was pounding as well, the L2 implant only exaggerated the effects of a nasty hangover. It took him a little bit to come to but he noticed Shepard chugging her water.

“Mind if I take a sip?” he asked.

Shepard swivelled around, giving him an annoyed look, “get your own water.”

“Come on, Ana. You know how bad my headaches get,” Kaidan pleaded.

Shepard sighed, she always felt sympathy for Kaidan when the implant gave him a headache. “Fine, I’ve finished most of it but you can have what’s left.”

She handed him the glass which he quickly drank then placed on the other nightstand. Shepard crashed back down on the pillow to face Kaidan. 

“So, you remember anything from last night?” she asked.

He laughed, “bits and pieces. Did you dare me to see if I could throw Garrus from the bridge to the cockpit?”

Shepard tried to remember. “I definitely remember Garrus reluctantly getting in a bomb suit and being thrown from the map to the cockpit but it wasn’t me who dared you to do that.”

“Was he alright?” Kaidan asked, “being drunk makes my biotics a bit weaker but a throw can still do a ton of damage.”

Shepard shrugged, “well since I don’t have Doctor Chakwas in here yelling at me I’m gonna assume nothing’s broken.”

A silence fell between them. As if they knew what was coming, that things had changed between them and now they needed to decide what to do about it. 

“So, what now?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard shrugged, “back to the grind, we have an army of reapers headed our way and we need to be ready for whatever’s next.”

“Ana, you know that’s not what I mean.”

Shepard looked at him, outwardly puzzled but knowing deep down what he was talking about.

“What about us?” Kaidan asked.

Shepard looked down, avoiding eye contact. It was a question she had wanted to avoid as long as possible. She wanted to be with Kaidan more than anything but knew that there were regs that prevented it. She also knew that humanity needed her, and that she needed Kaidan on her team if she was going to succeed. Beyond the emotional side, his talent was indispensable. She wasn’t about to sacrifice millions of lives for her own selfish desires. 

“Kaidan, I care about you more than you know,” she started, “but I don’t know what to do right now.”

“Ana, if I’m making this too difficult for you, I’ll get myself reassigned, I’ll…”

“Alenko, don’t you dare,” Shepard interjected, “you’re too valuable to this crew. We wouldn’t have been able to stop Saren without you. You’re not expendable.”

“I guess this is it then,” Kaidan said, “we both know the regs. We can’t be on the same ship, in the same chain of command, and doing this. Hell, even last night was a huge risk.”

Shepard sighed, procrastinating on taking decisive action. “Does this have to be it?” she asked, “I mean, we’ve come this far. If my decision making is going to be impacted by our relationship, it’s already too late. Besides, I don’t know if I can do what I need to without you. You kept me sane half the time when we were searching for Saren, and that’s only a fraction of what we’ll be dealing with.”

“What are you saying?” Kaidan asked, “are you proposing that we do this in secret?”

“I don’t like it any more than you do,” Shepard said, “and there’s a big part of me that says it’s wrong and it’s a terrible idea but there’s another part that’s just saying fuck it.”

Kaidan paused in thought. Both of them sought to respect the regs. They were there for a reason, they were necessary to maintain the order needed to keep people safe. Breaking them felt wrong and selfish.

“What if we just don’t call it anything?” Kaidan suggested, “I’ve never been one for ‘going with the flow’ but there’s no use in torturing ourselves over this. Whatever we decide, we won’t be happy with it.”

Shepard didn’t like the thought of doing nothing. Every time they got closer, they kept saying they’d talk about what they were, but they always found a way to kick the can down the road. 

“It’s not like we’d be the first to have some kind of non-relationship relationship,” Shepard commented, “hell, I’m pretty sure that’s how my parents met and they never got discharged or demoted. Fuck it, let’s just see where this goes.” 

“And to think that the famous Commander Shepard was the product of fraternization,” Kaidan commented.

Shepard laughed as she tried to prop herself up to get out of bed but as soon as she did, she felt a stirring sensation in her stomach. She knew all too well what this meant. She had to get over to the bathroom, and fast. Sitting over the toilet, she started dry heaving. It felt like she needed to throw up but there was nothing coming out. Finally, everything came out. She hugged the toilet as if her life depended on it as her stomach kept emptying its contents.

Eventually she felt her hair being pulled back. 

“Take it easy, Ana,” Kaidan said, placing his free hand on her back.

After a bit, the barfing stopped. Shepard sat on the floor, somewhat out of breath and exhausted. 

“Kaidan, your head, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“I’ll be fine,” he responded, “I can’t leave my Commander to suffer alone.”

“Please tell me I’m not expected to actually command anyone today, am I?” she asked, turning to face Kaidan. 

“I doubt they’ll be doing much of anything today,” Kaidan reassured her, “besides, you can always grant the crew a shore leave. I’d say they’ve earned it.”

Shepard laughed, “everyone gets two days. Admiral Hackett says the Normandy needs to be checked out anyways. Just let me sleep before I go tell them and sort all that out.”

Kaidan extended a hand, helping her up. “Don’t worry about that for now. Just clean yourself up and sleep it off. I’ll go grab Pressly, he can pass the message on.”


	3. Dangerous Driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins

_In the Mako on an uncharted world_

It was a routine survey mission to check for mineral deposits in uncharted territories. Shepard knew her crew had more important things to be doing but going alone wasn’t really an option so she took Kaidan along. It would be nice to get some quality time together, even if it was technically on official business. Shepard headed towards the driver’s seat.

“Are you sure you don’t want me driving this time ma’am?” he asked. 

"Is something wrong with my driving Kaidan?” She asked, “and when are you going to stop calling me ‘ma’am’?”

“Sorry Ana, force of habit,” he replied, “and if I can speak candidly, your driving can be a bit uh…erratic”

Shepard continued to make her way into the driver’s seat. “Come on, I get us where we need to go, and I do it fast. Sure, it’s a little bumpy but we don’t waste time.”

Kaidan shook his head. “Whatever you say, Ana.”

Once they were both strapped in, Joker deployed the Mako onto the planet’s surface. The vehicle shook as it bounced onto the ground. Shepard checked her map and marked down the destinations where the mineral deposits had been detected then began driving toward them.The planet had quite a mountainous terrain, this was going to be fun.

As they approached a large, rocky area, Shepard could see Kaidan bracing himself. She rolled her eyes.

“Stop being so dramatic, Kaidan.”

“I can’t help myself,” he said, “ever since we took that drop on Nodacrux, I get a little nervous.”

“That was one time and the Mako wasn’t handling well that day,” Shepard said defensively.

“The Mako’s suspension was damaged after that incident,” Kaidan retorted, “you know how much it takes for that to happen?”

“Well the designers of the Mako had clearly never tested it on Nodacrux,” Shepard replied.

The ride was getting bumpy as the Mako bounced over a series of rocks. They were coming up on a steep cliff. It was questionable if the Mako could make it up but Shepard figured it would be worth it to try. She had driven it up steeper cliffs before, probably. The Mako started to climb the cliff at a steady pace. However, it wasn’t long before it began to slow down. Shepard tried to maneuver it so that it would keep moving but before long it stopped and then started to slide down the cliffside, eventually crashing down on the rocks. Shepard began to attempt to climb the cliffside again, this time moving up at an angle.

“You know it would probably be quicker just to go around and find a less steep route,” Kaidan commented.

“Not if this works,” Shepard asserted.

The Mako managed to make it up this time only to be met with a steep and rocky drop on the other side. Shepard kept going forward towards the drop. She could see Kaidan getting tense but ignored him and drove off the drop. The Mako was suspended in the air for a little while before crashing down on the rocks below, landing right in a rocky pit.

Shepard began trying to maneuver it out but to no avail. The vehicle’s size combined with its sensitive steering made it hard to get out. Kaidan was looking somewhat winded at first but seemed to catch his breath after Shepard’s third attempt.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to take over?” Kaidan asked.

“Kaidan, either get your mouth on my pussy or close it,” Shepard retorted, “I’ll get us out and get us to those minerals.”

“I’m just saying we would have gotten to those deposits by now if you’d just let me drive,” he said.

Finally the Mako broke out of the pit and they were moving again.

“Keep talking and I might have to write you up for insubordination when we get back,” Shepard commented.

Kaidan just laughed, “I didn’t realize that calling your Commander a terrible driver went against protocol.”

“Are you trying to get yourself a demotion, Lieutenant?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan shook his head, smiling, “not at all, Commander. I’m just giving you a sense of where the crew’s at.”

Shepard smirked, “you are gonna owe me so much head when we get back to the Normandy.”

“Why do you think I’m still talking?” Kaidan replied.


	4. Asking For A Friend

**The Mess Hall **

“I’m just saying, we don’t even know the full extent of what biotics can do, they probably have some off-label uses.”

Shepard shook her head at Joker. “I feel like I would have found out about them by now,” she commented. 

It was one of those late nights in the mess hall where Shepard and some members of the crew ended up talking for hours on end. Usually it started out at least somewhat civilized but often turned into some strange, inappropriate subject. While she often avoided the subject of her and Kaidan, there was no hiding it from people like Joker and Garrus. They had both figured it out and all of them trusted each other with these kinds of secrets. 

“But I’m saying that biotics might not even know about it, it’s not like Conatix ever researched it,” Joker retorted, “besides, have you even asked Alenko about it?”

As if on queue, Kaidan entered the mess hall at that exact moment. “Asked me what?”

Shepard’s face developed a reddish tint. Joker looked at her, as if prompting her to ask the question they had all been debating. Shepard avoided eye contact, glancing at Garrus, as if trying to shift responsibility onto him.

“We were just considering the potential off label uses of biotic abilities,” Garrus explained, “non-combat uses and such.”

Kaidan looked around the table, knowing that Garrus wasn’t revealing the full extent of their conversation.

“Have you ever used biotics for sex?” Joker asked, breaking the ice.

Shepard’s face grew ever more red.

“The Commander wants to know,” he added.

“You brought it up!” Shepard said, defensively.

“And you seemed genuinely interested,” Joker retorted.

“For a friend,” Shepard lied, hanging her head in shame.

Kaidan was amused by this debate. “Which friend?” he asked, “anyone I might know?”

Shepard shook her head, “someone I knew at basic, you wouldn’t know her…him…yeah, him.”

Kaidan sat down, fully immersing himself in the conversation. “Try me.”

Shepard glanced at Joker and Garrus, hoping that one of them would jump in and save her.

“There’s no shame in it Commander, I mean I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had a few fantasies about what a biotic v-“

Shepard cut Joker off, “dammit Kaidan, can biotics be used for sex or not?”

Kaidan smirked, “oh come on, I wanted to hear more about Joker’s biotic fantasies.”

“You probably don’t,” Joker admitted.

“Come on, Kaidan. I know you weren’t exactly the most sexually active guy at brain camp but in a place full of horny biotic teenagers there must have been someone who tried weird sex stuff with biotics!” Shepard exclaimed.

“There were a lot of horny biotic teenagers, but no one was exactly creative,” Kaidan answered, “sometimes you’d hear about a couple trying some light bondage with biotics but it usually ended in broken limbs and a nosebleed, and ending up in the infirmary trying to come up with a plausible explanation that was, shall we say, less embarrassing.”

“Well that’s disappointing,” Joker commented.

“Look, you were lucky if you had sex that lasted more than five minutes back then,” Kaidan explained, “most guys didn’t have enough experience to get a girl to enjoy it, much less try experimental stuff.”

“So, you have no idea then?” Shepard asked.

Kaidan shrugged, “maybe with a little experience, biotics could add a little something to the bedroom.”

Shepard just rolled her eyes, acting like she wasn’t phased by this whole conversation. Secretly, she was hoping she’d be able to get Kaidan in her bed that night for some experimental research.


	5. Slumber Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Something Just Like This - The Chainsmokers, Cold Play
> 
> So this is the final chapter of this story, it's a little short but hopefully sweet nonetheless. I'm currently working on the second installment in this series and it's fairly close to being finished. I'll hopefully be able to start posting chapters soon.

It had been a long day. Shepard had just received orders from the council to go out searching for further geth activity. It was not what she had been hoping for. Despite seeing a reaper attack the Citadel, they still refused to grant authorization and funding to further investigate the reaper threat. The official story was that Saren just used the reaper story to gain followers but Shepard knew that wasn’t true. Hell, her whole crew knew it. She slumped down on her bed, sighing heavily. She wanted to be angry but she was too damn tired to feel that way.

Just as she was settling down, Kaidan walked in.

“Kaidan, I’m not in the mood,” she said, “we can do this some other time.”

“Just wanted to check and see how you’re doing,” he responded, “I’ll go if you’d like.”

Shepard shook her head. “You can stay, but I don’t want to talk about today and I don’t have the energy for sex.”

Kaidan nodded. “I’ll be right back,” he said before disappearing.

Shepard was confused. It wasn’t like Kaidan to just take off like that. Was it really that big of a deal that she wasn’t in the mood for sex?

Before she knew it, Kaidan was back, dressed in his pajama and holding a big bag of popcorn and some other snacks.

“Are you in the mood for a sleepover?” he asked.

Shepard smiled. “What did you have in mind.”

“I was thinking snacks, some old movies, and cuddling on the bed til we fall asleep.”

“That sounds perfect.”


End file.
